Ok, I’ll admit it and just this once. Gadora found herself partly sucked into The Bachelor this season. Only sometimes. And, I’m not proud. Was it because The Dude is from Dallas (Gadora once called The Big D home too)? Perhaps. Because he was so dramatic in having feelings for each and EVERY one of them? No. Or as I’m typing… exactly right now, Jeffrey Osborne is serenading the nauseatingly happy couple with On the Wings of Love—a tune I’ve sloppily sung a hundred times? I can’t explain my obsession, but the lackluster show DID provide weekly television with which to mindlessly felt a few birds. And felt I did.

To honor what Jake (Pavelka) felt about Vienna (Girardi)—the “most controversial bachelorette EVER”—Gadora presents an assemblage of witty Viennese furniture…inspired by the Bach-antics of ABC’s tired series. Let’s start with the wildly flashy, patchwork Vienna Chaise at Squint. Mama Boobs would look great slouched across this, no?

The Vienna Chaise at Squint

And add the loopy blonde-wood (maybe like the Bachelorette?) Vienna-biedermeier settee.

A fussy Gilt-touched Sofa

A Viennese chair, with holes in it (not unlike Vienna’s boyfriend-back-home story), circa 1955.

Roland Rainer "Stadthallensessel" chair

And because we are almost certain the happy couple will spend a fair amount of time in front of one…

Fine Viennese Biedermeier Mirror

A little somethin-somethin for the boudoir, a meticulously-designed interior at the Altstadt VIENNA by Matteo Thun. Because, FINALLY, they can “get it on” without the glow of the cameras…

Matteo Thun at Altstadt VIENNA

And last, but not least, Gadora googled “Viennese Scale.” Why? Because I figured The Bach—a man who got soooooo good at weighing his options—might need one. And low and behold, I find these wedding cookies… Award Winning Nutballs. Too perfect!! Good Luck to the both of you, Congratulations.

Nutballs and Tea Cookies

• • •

A little more for your viewing pleasure, the soon-to-be Mrs. Jake Pavelka: